If you’re a human who leaves their house every day to go do whatever, then you’ve definitely encountered the menace to society that is body odour. The people who drag this menace around with them usually never know and seeing as walking up to a stranger and saying, “You smell like hot garbage” is frowned upon, everyone else just has to suck it up and cope with the smell until you part ways.
We asked five people to tell us about their experiences having to deal with other people’s body odour and the stories we got ranged from “lol” to “I’m still in therapy because of that unfortunate encounter.”
1) Body odour made Uche consider self-mutilation during a tragic bus ride from Lagos to Abuja.
“I sat next to this woman during a bus ride from Lagos to Abuja and I seriously considered ripping my nose off because she smelled of iru (locust beans). The odour was so strong, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I couldn’t sleep. I was too grossed out to eat. I’m no saint or anything but I did NOT deserve what I went through that day.”
2) Jennifer still hasn’t gotten over the day she got a face full of armpit.
“It was in one of those buses where some people stand and some sit. I was sitting while he stood. The bus got to his stop and he was in a hurry to get out (you know how impatient Lagos bus drivers can be) when he suddenly, slipped and fell, swiping his sweaty armpit across my face on the way down. The stench stayed with me.“
3) Kunle remembers how his uncle ruined Christmas dinner with his body odour.
“In hindsight, he wasn’t really an uncle. Just one of those really close family friends who earned the moniker by being around all the time. Anyway, I remember this one Christmas dinner from when I was a kid where all the adults were uncomfortable for some reason. That was the last time I ever saw him. I got the tea when I got older. Turns out he was seated in front of the air conditioner that day and stank up the room.”
4) Seeing bunk beds will forever trigger Fara thanks to her experience in boarding school.
“When I was in JSS3, I had this bunkmate who used to wet the bed. Thankfully, she was on the bottom bunk so I didn’t have to worry about getting a faceful of urine in the middle of the night. However, she wasn’t big on personal hygiene and would re–wear clothes she had on when she peed without washing them first. Because of this, she – and our corner by proxy – constantly smelled like urine-soaked clothes. I had to endure this for an entire school year.”
5) Henry still cringes when he remembers his coworker’s interaction with their boss’ kid.
“Constance was a sweetheart. She was always happy and spread good cheer wherever she went. However, she also smelled like sweaty feet and spread this odour around the office while giving her trademark sneak attack hugs. No one in the office felt safe. Constance could be around any corner waiting to make you almost throw up your last meal with a hug. Because she was so nice, no one ever said anything until the day our boss brought his son to the office. She tried giving him a hug and he ran off screaming ‘YOU SMELL BAD!’. It was so sad.
She quit not long after.”
Listen, if you don’t want to end up as the villain in somebody’s “body odour” story, do the needful. Take a bath and wash your clothes properly. Importantly, get a NIVEA deodorant and clear the air by using it under your arms. That one gives you up to 48hr protection against sweat and odours. So you don’t have any excuse for body odour, go and get one now.
Remember, your motto should be: Never Caught Unfresh!
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