4 Things Bald Men Need To Stop Doing

April 9, 2020

Listen, I know it can be rough. Your hairline starting to run in the opposite direction was not one of the signs you expected when puberty hit. But you were among the unlucky few this happened to, which led to you being called cruel nicknames like Zidane, Pa James, and Ikorodu Lex Luthor.

I’m so sorry.

I know you’ve spent a lot of time wondering what you did wrong to make your hairline leave you so early in life, and trying to make what’s left of your hair look better than the scanty mess it really is. But believe me when I say that if you’re doing any of the 4 things I’m about to list, then you’re actually making things worse.

1) Shaping up (what’s left of) your hairline

Brother man, there comes a time in every bald man’s life where he has to accept that no amount of hairline shape ups can fix things. Chasing your hairline with a clipper every time you get a haircut is only going to send it running away faster. Stop stressing your barber out.

2) Relaxing your hair.

I’m going to let this tweet by @TheVunderkind explain things:

3) Comb overs

Attempting to cover the balding part of your head with the hair you have left. Don’t do it. Don’t even bother. Doesn’t work. You’re not fooling anyone, walking around with the top of your head looking hair-stuffed bathroom drain.

4) Attempting to grow an afro.

Because the hair on your head that can grow will grow, leaving your bald looking a lawn that’s been trampled too many times regardless of the sign next to it that says, “Do not walk on grass!”.

See ehn, if you can’t afford a hair transplant like the footballer, Wayne Rooney, just let nature take its course and stop fighting. Or better still, shave it all off.

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